Digging Through The Layers

To say that I have been in a huge funk the past month would be an understatement. I have been trying very hard to hide it (mainly from myself), but that’s not really working anymore. Over the past few days, I have come to a place where paying attention is the only option. So…..I reluctantly tiptoed into my art studio, recalling from somewhere in the recesses of my mind that making art heals me. I'm obviously being a little facetious here, but it is also true. For as long as I have been making art, and teaching others to use the creative practice as a healing tool, I STILL forget this simple and powerful fact at times (kind of a lot actually). Well, maybe forget isn’t the right word…I think ignore is more appropriate. Sometimes I ignore the call to my own healing. This time it has been because I am scared. I’m not often scared of my own dark places, but right now I am. I am just starting to process it all, and it is very deep and personal, but I would love to share where I arrived today as I dusted off the cobwebs, both literal and creative. There were ALL kids of voices telling me to stop, to walk away, that everything I made was shitty and worthless…I could go on and on. What I have learned over the years though, and what I trusted today (even though I didn’t feel like it), is to keep going no matter what. I kept going and what came out was layers and layers of tar like feelings. They are the entry point. Tomorrow I will go back in and greet them again and keep excavating. One foot in front of the other……

 

The dark thoughts, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. --Rumi