I’m thinking today about love. I’m a lover and and an avid expresser of love. I always have been. I have put my heart on the line and risked everything for love with family, friends and lovers since I can remember. I remember times when I was little and I would unabashedly express my love for an adult. It was so pure and unconditional, and when the words came out and fell flat at the feet of the beloved person, my heart would break a little each time. I understand now that it wasn't my fault (nor was it that I was too much), but rather that the adult was uncomfortable with it for whatever reason.
As I have gotten older and have had the pleasure and pain to fall in and out of love many times over with friends and lovers, I have learned that I don't want to live without it, despite the risk and pain. I am 48 years old, and I still risk everything for love. When I feel it, I let it flow, and I still am floored by the searing pain when it falls flat. Despite the temptation at times to pull in and protect myself, I will never let the threat ofpain stop me. Because the bliss of feeling the love when it emerges organically is so beautiful, and it enriches every fiber of my being. When love arises in me it is so pure and so golden. My soul is bathed in the ecstasy of it. I would never trade that for anything. I know my heart will break over and over, but in that breaking, more love can enter, and I am reminded that the love itself, and not the reaction of the person it is aimed at is what is important, because love is really ALL that matters.